Day 41

I am so sorry I have not sent anything out sooner. I know you thoughts, and prayers, and good wishes have all been for me to have my zero count and I wished I could have sent this earlier, but the stuffing got knocked out of me.

A little history: When my first induction chemo was finished, I went down from 40% leukemia cells to 20%. It wasn't the numbers we wanted, so that very night we started a second induction of chemo; I saw it as a maddening fourteen day delay. At that time, we asked the doctor what were the chances of seeing zero after the second induction. Doctors hate to give percentages, but finally he relented and said about 80% of the patients achieve zero and most of the other 20% fall between 4% and 1%. (which they say is usually good enough to say you have achieved remission and will clean up in the consolidation phase) OK, with odds like that, you'd play in Vegas all night long.

Never being able to leave well enough alone, I asked what if my count is cut in half again, like last time, and it is 10%? "10%", he said, "would be very, very, bad."

My number was 20. No reduction at all.

When he learned the news, of course, we were devastated. We wanted to know the next step......and, at this point, they don't really know. The doctors here work very closely with the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and they are turning my care over to them.

Good News: I may be able to go hoe as early as Thursday. They are giving me medicine in the fatty tissues of my stomach that is supposed to stimulate my bone marrow to produce good white cells. It also makes your bones ache like mad, but I don't care. If I can get my white blood count to 1; I CAN GO HOME!!! :-)

I just want a small piece of normal back. Right now I'm running on empty, but give me some time at home, and I will be ready to lead the charge.

I don't want you to think this has damaged my faith......IT HAS NOT. God and I had different ideas. I feel He is very close to me now, nudging me up. My new prayer: Please let Your will me done and grant me the strength and wisdom to keep up.

I want to thank everyone who has been so generous to Ron and me. When I get a little more strength back, I hope to send out thank you notes, but right now, I'm too weak so please forgive me. You all are such a wonderful blessing to have in my life, I'm not sure I could have made it this far without you. Thank you.

With Love and Gratitude,

Connie